Schism

Schism, n. A breach of the unity of the visible Church;

This word has been bouncing around in my head for a couple days now. It's a word that carries very strong meaning to it. To publicly remove oneself from the church over matters of doctrine has given rise to many a change in the course of Western Christian history. The Orthodox church, The Protestant Reformation and now... the Emergent church. Yes, I am lumping the Emergent church in with the other great schisms of Christianity. Or at least, I am postulating the idea that it could lead to a great schism. I have said for a number of years that there is a great something changing within the American church. Some would refer to this as apostasy rearing its ugly head. These same individuals would tell you that within our lifetime we will see the end of the world and the return of Christ. I am not throwing myself in with that lot. Does this mean I am saying it won't happen? Not at all. What I am saying is that this fixation on the end of the world speaks leaps and bounds about your own personal and theological perception. I have always tried to be an optimist and believer in the idea that a life change in Christ is a positive one. I also feel, due to circumstances in my own life, that our life here on Earth is not some prison that we need to escape from, but should be embraced as a gift from God. How this relates into a view of "being an alien in a foreign land" I see as follows; we are put here on this plane of existence for a reason and whatever that reason may be we should pursue it. Being that I come from a Christian perspective I view this reason as being an agent of change, particularly in telling (through both words and actions) about the restored life one can have in Christ. Salvation is an ongoing process that begins with our realization of our need for a redemptive relationship with Christ and continues through death. The point is not that we have some destination and are simply on hold over but that we are an active agent in the world in which we live and we should live with that mindset. In our temporal minds, 80 years is a long time and if we are here for that long of a time we should enjoy and rejoice in that time. Particularly if we have the restored relationship with the Creator of this life we should rejoice all the more! I may sound like a hypocrite as there have been times, recently even, where I have not practiced what I preach. However, no human is without even the slightest bit of hypocrisy. The old standby, "none of us are perfect" rings very true. The goal is to live to the best you can, but this life can be hard and harsh and unforgiving. Once again, all the more reason to live with the perspective that I am here and here for a reason and that reason is to show to the world the redemptive life I live and they too can live in Christ. It's not about collecting souls. It's about life.

Ok, now onto what I was actually going to talk about. Yes, I chase rabbits very often. We have seen a cultural shift in the American church as of late. This can be due to several factors. The advance of humanism, postmodernism, an increased awareness of culture and religion in other areas of the world... take your pick. The typical party line you will hear towed by Christians is that all these things are bad and have had a hand in taking away our "God" from America. This is a great fallacy as far as I'm concerned. God was never anymore in America than He is anywhere else in the world. Yes, we have a history of Puritanism in the U.S. and that influenced the formation of the nation but it was not the sole or main reason. The main reason was to get out of British colonial rule. Let's not forget, the American Revolution motto was not "A nation built for God!" but "No taxation without representation!" The shift away from a strong Puritan influence (which did not bring about all good... slavery was almost unilaterally supported and in actuality the Amish and Mennonites were the first Christian denominations to speak out against slavery, not the Puritans) in the United States is as I've come to see it a result of the influence of humanistic thought but also the result of globalization. I'll give you that. However, the idea of postmodernism also brought about the emergent church which seeks to be relevant to the current generation who see nothing vital in the traditional values of modernist Christianity. The current generation feels rejected, disconnected and that Christians simply don't care. These are all things I've felt and why I probably fall most closely in theology to the emergent church. However, I do not call myself an emergent. Here is why, I feel it is counter productive. The goal of the emergent movement, as I have seen it, is to reform the church by tearing down the distinctions in traditional Christianity. For an example of this, read Brian McLaren's "A Generous Orthodoxy" where he tries to find the good in the variety of Christian denominations. I commend this and see the value in it. It can also lead to a sort of Christianity that smacks of Universalistic values. The emergent church is a varied, fractured movement at the moment and one that does not have a set sort of values. In essence, there is no postmodern creed. This is one of the reasons why I am not labeling myself an emergent. I feel that if the church is to become one again, to tear down the idea of denominations and become a whole body again, there should be no label other than the one that labels us as followers of Christ. Emergent runs the risk of becoming yet another denomination. It will be a fractured denomination though, one with a few noteworthy leaders who don't always agree with each other. Is this bad? No, but it is troubling. It leaves the idea of lasting impact too far fetched. So, could the emergent church be a schism. Well, it already is. You wouldn't be surprised to find emergents who question the reality of hell, emphasize the humanity of Christ, and draw inspiration from humanistic writers. These are things that "traditional" western Christianity will not tolerate. Hence, a schism has, or is occurring. Is it apostasy? Not quite but it can be dangerous.

My final thought is this. This theological shift that is occurring in Christianity can go to ways. Either it will reform the church and bring thousands to hear the message of the gospel (as is evidenced by Rob Bell's Mars Hill Church) or it will simply fall to the wayside and people will continue to leave the church. Then apostasy may set in. Or you may find the same thing as you've found the past 10-15 years; Christians who still believe and claim a deep faith yet feel no need to attend what has been the model of church for the past several hundred years.

The sound of clarity

Ah Music... you have been my obsession since that tender, innocent age of 15. Over the years, we've had a healthy relationship that has mostly revolved around me gaining insurmountable pleasure from you. If only I could return to that time where I was so excited about every single cd I bought. Where listening to KILO resulted in me hearing some cool new band. When Mudvayne were a "new" band. I can still remember going to Best Buy to buy L.D. 50 and seeing the odd, pharmacy meets humanity cover. Seeing the faces of the four band members painted, looking demonic and alien and just too damn cool.

Tonight I have been brought to a night wherein I should be catching up on all my homework (I have several papers to start and/or finish) and while I've done some of that (while also registering) I find myself wanting to do nothing more than sit in my room, draped in my wornwaytoomuchandheldontotoolong hoodie and engage in an act of intimacy with the auditory equivalent of perfection. Some thoughts at the moment; Mudvayne were at one point an incredible band. Since the release of L.D. 50 back in 2000 the band have regressed into an above average radio metal band. However, the band at one point tackled complex topics such as the idea of drugs and hallucinogens and how they have impacted human evolution. Nothing that complex anymore. Now we have "Are you feeling happy?" I suppose it's the natural consequence of being in the music business and achieving a slight bit of success. There is a need to repeat that, or fall by the wayside. Same story. Band X gets obscure radio hit despite being uncharacteristic of radio music, label gets greedy, band likes more support from label, pressure to repeat success, band does not, gets dropped, repeat add nausea. I still feel somewhat cheated. Like I've lost something. Something that was so exciting and fresh and new and now... not.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some bands utterly surprise me with their renewed level of awareness and dedication to creating art. Machine Head have long been one of my favorite bands and their new album, "The Blackening," shows just what can happen when a band loses its head to the pressures of potential radio success only to come back, fully in love with the idea of creating music for music's sake. It's an album that flows, is aggressive, beautiful, haunting and challenging from a musical standpoint. After my first spin of the album, I felt that same excitement from when I first discovering the world of metal and music. It lit a fire under my ass and made pick up my guitar and start to write riffs. Same thing when I discovered the Psalters over the summer. Moments of Zen. Moments that I crave. Moments that motivates me to go and play that next show. Moments I would love someday to give back to others.

For now, I'll continue to engulf myself in the Zen that is sonic violence. Music, music, I hear music. Music over my... head...

Mountains, federal aid and Donald Miller

It's a shame really, there aren't too many great rock bands around anymore. I mean, sure there are bands out there now that have been around for some time, but when was the last time that a really great, straight forward, meat and potatoes rock band came out? Especially one that wasn't aping the sound of a myriad of better bands that came before them. Well, I suppose I'll have to be content with Alice in Chains for the moment (not that that will be hard).

The first portion of this past week I went with my girlfriend and another friend of ours (both of whose blogs are linked to the right) to a cabin in the shadow of Mt. Elbert. It was a good two days of relaxation away from technology, school, the band, and all the other craziness that seems to be my life. I noticed something though in trying to get away from the city and "society;" even in a fairly remote cabin in the mountains, there is still a highway. There is still electricity. There is still a plastic garbage bag underneath the "waterwheel" outside the cabin to prevent rotting. Is any of this bad? Of course not. Like I said, the two days there were a much needed break and escape and I feel much more refreshed. Even in escape though, modern society and all it's amenities are still there. It makes me think about the idea of globalization. Here we are, in a society that is linked with the rest of the world through technology living in a time and age where the world has very few hidden places (if any). The Age of Exploration I imagine was a time where the world seemed endless. Now the world has an end. I have a feeling that if I lived in that time and knew then what the fruits of my endeavors would be, I would probably shit my pants. There are no more blank spaces on the map. The whole planet has been Terra formed to our will, to our advances in science and technology. There is no real true escape into nature as anywhere you go you are bound to find modern civilization just on the border. This is not necessarily bad, it simply is. However, have we lost something in being the creators of our world? We have taken this creation and reshaped it into our will. Landscaping is to an extent the ultimate example of man being the creator of the world. Man being god. A stretch? Perhaps, but you all should be used to that.

Federal aid for going to school is a strange thing. Sometimes I feel like the government is simply saying, "ohhhh, poor thing. Your family doesn't make near enough money to support itself. Well instead of giving your dad a job so he can pay for school and food, we'll just give you a bunch of money and leave your family to fend for themselves." Sad state of affairs in my opinion.

Blue Like Jazz; I've heard people say that this book changed their life and their way of thinking. I don't count myself among those people, but I will say this; Donald Miller and I share a lot of the same observations and feelings on Christianity. I still find myself saying "Hell yea! Preach it brother!" at times while I am reading it. I came across a book in Borders yesterday called Revolution by George Barna and in the book Barna talks about the changing face of the American church. I would like to read his insights and I have a feeling that he would be very positive and optimistic about it. There is a change going on in the church in America and I can't decide if it's for the good, the bad, or if it will last. That is another blog for another day.

Metal up your ass!

So I read an interesting article this morning. Read it for yourself below;

Clicky, clicky.

Now, my first reaction to this was, "Hell Yeah!" I've been an avid metal listener since I was 15 and I still enjoy and love the music as much as I did back then. Being that I've always had good grades in school (not always fantastic, but good and great... great and good.) and the social perception that kids who listen to metal are mental peons and "bad seeds" has always bugged me. Anyone who knows me knows that neither of those labels fit to well. It's not that I'm trying to be egotistical, I'm simply stating what others have observed about me. While this article validates a truth that I've long known (you can be a genius and listen to metal) the article itself really only purports that this is a possibility and not a general fact. While still cool, I think the real quality in the article is in it's unintended explanation of why people listen to metal (in general); that it is music of the social outcast.

I do not consider myself that much of a socially awkward person, though at one time I was. When I first got into the music, I was a large glasses wearing, showering three times a week, bonafide home school nerd. I still am that same nerd, I just don't look or act it anymore. I was the socially self conscious, awkward kid. I was not (nor am I still) that violent or angry of a person. Yet something about the themes of alienation, the loud aggressive playing, it all rang true to me. It was also the first thing that I got into that other people would consider "cool" without it being "nerd cool." Anime, that's nerd cool. Science fiction, that's nerd cool. Reading and writing, nerd cool. Listening to metal and playing bass, that's just cool. I still wouldn't consider myself a "cool" person but the thing that listening to metal did most for me, it heightened my sense of individuality. While I now had something in common with certain people in my school, I began to have nothing in common with people at my church. While they were all about Third Day and whatever flavor of the week "worship" band was around at that time, I was proselytizing the gospel of Zao, Sevendust, Metallica, Refused, Machine Head, King's X, Soulfly, Tool... you get the idea. Yet it felt like, even though almost no one in my group of people who "believed the same as I did" listened to it, it gave me an individual identity. It helped me to start to think about why I liked this stuff and other people didn't. I may not be explaining it well, but the point is simple; metal and heavy music in general helped me to think for myself, but to also express my individual thoughts and to be fine with not fitting in. And then there is the sense of family and community that is felt at metal shows. Where else can you have an hour long conversation with someone you'd probably never be friends with outside of that setting yet because you both listen to metal you automatically have something in common and are "BFFs" for that moment. A shared belief if you will. You know what's sad? I've almost never felt the same about my faith in Christ and my interactions with most of his "followers." What does that say about the state of American "Christianity." Hmmm... a little cynicism from my earlier days. Perhaps.

What is my point in writing all this? To try and defend metal and the music I listen to? No. If you don't get metal, there's a good chance you may never get it. Even if you understand the reasons one listens to it, there is still the harshness of the music itself. Some people can't get past that. Others love it. I suppose my point in writing this blog was to critique an adequately done newspaper article that became a "testimony" of sorts. I don't know where I'm going with this half assed blog so... go listen to some Opeth and raise your IQ a little.

...

Today, being the 13th of March, is the day in which I walked out of class. I have no good reason other than the fact that as I sat there I had no earthly desire to be there. No one was talking, the woman proctoring the review had no clue what to talk about (thus being no help at all)and I could have counted all the people in there on one hand. So I left. I picked up my stuff and walked out.

Now that my story is done... I'm finding myself in this weird headspace again. The same headspace that I was in on Sunday, which is not the best during mid-terms. I keep finding myself coming back to the thoughts of what a friend did after being in school for two years. She quit and went and did foreign missions for something like... three years? Sounds right. I don't know if I'm cut out for foreign missions (actually, I'm sure I'm not) but picking up and traveling... I could do that. Hmmmm... writing calms me. Writing my thoughts out makes me fall back into that place known as perspective. I need a break. I need a break from school, the band, and Colorado. It won't happen, I know. Still... that desire is there.

Visual DNA

I'm only posting this because it seems to fit fairly well...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Honesty...

So here it is, almost time to set the clocks forward an hour. Yep, DST is coming early this year. So that means that it's... 2:45 in the morning? Something like that. I am up late because I honestly can not make sense of things right now. I came down on Friday from Greeley to Colorado Springs for a few gigs (one of which I have played) and while the show was really good (one of the best yet) it is the past day of Sat. that is sticking in my mind. In my failed attempt to finish the novel Graceland by Chris Abani, I wound up reading some of the most disturbing and shocking chapters yet. It's a book that will take by surprise with it's bluntness in tackling "taboo" topics. It seemed to be a portent however for the emotional and raw conversations that I would have the rest of the evening. Neither conversation will be repeated for sake of respect to the individuals involved, but even the gore bath that is the movie 300 seemed to fit with the emotional nature of today. The movie being a capstone to the metaphorical flesh tearing that ensued only hours before.

It makes me think about honesty. So often is this the thing we desire, yet fear the most in our relationships. The type of vulnerability that comes with being honest is hard to come by; you never know if the individual whom you are bearing your soul too will wipe the blood from the gaping scars or leave you prostrate on the floor. Forgive the grime imagery; visual violence of the gratuitous type that has been seen by my eyes tonight sticks with me. While scary, this honesty is worth it. Cauterization can not be achieved with out first pinpointing the gash and thus the healing begins. It's painful, scary, and downright uncomfortable yet incredibly beautiful when found in this place of forgiveness, vulnerability, servitude, and most importantly love. "Love is patient, love is kind..." sticks out like a neon sign. Love. Love for the one afflicted. Love for the one giving healing. Love for oneself. Forgiveness for oneself. Forgiveness for the wounded. Love and forgiveness, two things that I would be nothing without. My only prayer is that I can live up to even a simple iota of the ultimate example of this, even though I never will. Rambling thoughts. Thank you and goodnight.

I will have my coup d'etat!

I will start a riot! I will hold a burning flag in my hand!


Oh man, nothing like some Refused to get my blood pumping and my revolutionary spirit going. Totally unrelated, but here's the newest cult!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/16/miami.preacher/index.html

seriously though, this is slightly frightening. These kinds of people scare. For whom they are, what they think (of themselves and their followers) and the potential that they hold in themselves. Heaven's Gate anyone?

Today is Ash Wednesday and my first time participating in Lent. I have decided to celebrate Lent in two ways.

First, I am abstaining from meat for the period of Lent. I am doing this more for the traditional aspect instead of anything "moral" (i.e. vegetarianism, though I'd be lying if I said that I still didn't have thoughts of going veg). I feel that I want to do this in an attempt to understand the history of the church a little more. I've realized that I am incredibly ignorant about the history of the Christian (and Jewish) church. I feel that in exploring both of these aspects, I can gain a better and deeper understanding of my faith. Part of this may involve participating in things that are considered traditional which is odd to me since I've been so breaking from tradition in my mindset for so long.

Second way that I am fasting is that I will no longer spend my mornings before class on the internet. Instead it will be devoted to prayer, meditation, reading. This might be more of an adjustment than the dietary things, but we'll see.

I am hoping to get something a little more in depth up here soon, I'm just not sure what. For now, a little update on my life will do. Peace and love to you all.

Eight a.m., Wed. morn'

I haven't posted a blog on here in a bit and as such I've decided that it is time. I don't think this will be anything really revolutionary or political/social as my previous ones have been. This is going to be one of those "update" blogs with not much to update.

This morning I am what some would refer to as "sick." Yes, I have that dreaded cold. I usually get about two a year, one of them really bad. I'm hoping this will be the last one that I get until the end of the year. It has however given me a chance to sit here and type out my blog (as I'd normally be sleeping at this time of morning). I think the thing that I hate the most about colds; they slow me down. I lead a hectic, chaotic life and this cold is going to slow that down. Perhaps I need the rest, we'll see.

What is next in my chaotic life is as follows; Relay for life. Relay is a part of the American Cancer Society and it is one of the primary means of fundraising. I have to things that I have to do regarding Relay this year and both of them this week. I'm sure I'll be better by then (as I'm not as bad as I was last night) but it's going to be a hectic weekend. This brings to my mind an interesting thought; am I too hectic?

Think about it. How many of us lead lives that are so busy we don't have time to sit and relax? My girlfriend recently commented that she hasn't even had time to sit down and listen to music and that it was sad that she is so busy she can't even do that. I have a feeling that this is my life and certainly was before the winter break came (since I base my sense of extended periods of time on school). Shall I make the jump to commenting on how our society is too busy to sit back and enjoy life? No, I think you could have figured that out without me. Does it mean I'll change? Probably not. Nice thought though.

I need to play a show soon here. Another month until the next scheduled one. Perhaps I am being taught the fine art of patience as of now. It's a good lesson for me to learn over and over. Be patient, be kind, and slow to anger. Hmmmmm... I'll have to remember those. Enough random blog! Peace and love to you all.

Compassion

So, about a month ago I posted a blog on my myspace profile asking people what their beliefs on god are. I promised I was going to do something with it, but I decided to not. The responses were so varied that I feel it accomplished everything it was supposed to. If you'd like to read it, you can go check it out; it's titled "An Open Invitation." To avoid stalking and what not, I'm not going to link to it, but the link to my profile is to the right.

Instead of posting what my own thoughts are on "god" directly, I'm going to go about in a bassackwards way by talking a little about what's been on my mind as of late. I'm going to start off with a passage from the book Matthew and for sake of typing it all out/not copying and pasting right, I'll give ya the link; Matthew 5:38-48.

This comes from the Sermon on the Mount, or what is also a portion of the Beatitudes. Before I go further, what is beatitude exactly? This is the first definition from the Oxford English Dictionary (much better than Dictionary.com); "Supreme blessedness or happiness." Kind of interesting that the things Jesus talked about on the Sermon on the Mount are called this, isn't it? Read again the passage I posted; notice that in it Jesus is giving people more or less a framework for how we are supposed to live our lives. The entire Sermon on the Mount is in effect on big lesson in how to act in the world not only differently, but correctly (this of course is dependent on whether or not you accept Jesus as God and the Christian scriptures as holy and all that jazz; for those of you reading who don't, are they so bad at being moral guidelines?). Now, what do you see in that passage I posted? You see Jesus calling us to live a life of compassion. It's all over the Sermon on the Mount and all over the gospels. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (44)," "but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also (39b)." These two chunks of scripture have at their core the idea that we are to love one another. Let's look at what Jesus says is the greatest commandment; Matthew 20:36-40. Love God with everything you are and "the second is like it;" love others as yourself. God knows that we as humans think we are pretty hot shit. As much as we like to put on a facade and say that we aren't, we definitely think that we are pretty cool. Most of us like ourselves and would not intentionally put ourselves in harm. So the command that we are to love others as ourselves is a huge one. Think about it, if we truly loved our "neighbor" as ourselves, then we'd think pretty highly of them. We would want to treat them the same as we treat ourselves. It is also in doing this that we affirm not only our love for God, but our faith in God. If we love God with our whole selves and we love others as we love ourselves, we are in fact loving God in loving others. We are also serving God when we love others. Let's go back to the beatitudes; in it we find Jesus giving us the way in which we have supreme blessedness and happiness and where is it found? In compassion and love to God and to others.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever. So, uh... Happy Holidays!

Welcome to the groove machine!

Hello everyone!
Long time no post. While there has not been a lack of material that I can comment and write on (as I have four unfinished blogs on this site), my life has been markedly busy and intense. So this blog here I am deeming the "update/life blog." I have another, less pointless blog that I am going to post later, but for now this will do.

Over the course of this, my fifth semester at the University of Northern Colorado, I have had a wealth of experiences and life "changing" moments. For starters, the band (Marriage of Convenience) has been doing really well. We've played over 10 shows, had one cancelled, competed in two battle of the bands competitions (one we advanced in, one we didn't) and we are currently getting ready to write some new material (if I can get my ass down to the Springs!). Things are going well for the band and I hope they continue to. I hope it still remains fun. Naw, it should always be fun.

Back to my school life, I've seen my grades and they are... well somewhat satisfactory. I guess the point is that I passed, right? I didn't do horribly (far from it) but I keep thinking I can and should do better. Damn me and my need for not failing! Well, January 16th begins another semester so I will do better this time around. Outside of school, life has been good. I've got great friends, a great church, dating this great girl and been living pretty stressfully, yet comfortably. Interesting phrase there, "stressfully, yet comfortably," isn't it? Lately, we've been talking about peace at Atlas, the idea of "Shalom;" a time of rest and peace and meditation. I can honestly say that if I had any inkling what "peace" really means in my life, I'm experiencing it. Or perhaps, I'm experiencing a small portion of peace, just enough to understand what it's like. Stress and peace usually don't go together though, do they? Well, not in any sort of logical way but being peaceful is not the same as "having it easy," something I am reminded of constantly. I'm not sure, but right now, as stressful and hectic as my life has been I've felt this strange sort of contentment. This feeling of being exactly where I need to be at the present time. It's been awhile since I felt like that and now that I think back on it, I'm not sure if I ever was. It's strange, this contentment, this peace, is not even dependent on my circumstance. There have been plenty of times these past few months where I could have been depressed, stressed to the point of banging my head on a wall and in general just ready to say "fuck it!" I think back to where I was a year ago and how I hated being in Greeley; how much I wanted to leave and quit school and play in a band and forget all this nonsense. How un-happy I was. I was in a dark place for sure. However, looking back on it I see that I was at the tail end of it and while it still seems strange to me that I am in Greeley and actually enjoying being here, it blows my mind. One of the biggest lessons I learned over the summer, when I was stuck at home with no job, no car, no money is this; I am a temporal creature. I am a being that lives in the here and now and no matter how much I try and look to the future, I can't tell you anything about where my life will end up. So I need to exist in the here and now. I need to realise that I am put here on Earth, in this time and this place, for a reason. I may not know that reason, but God does. I do not know the future, I know the here and now and it's all about what I do with the here and now. Matthew 6:34; "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (NASB)." Hmmm... The beatitudes... I think in my attempt to read through the Old Testament, I'm going to re-read and study them. Every time I look up a verse or two in them, I see something new.

Wow, talk about a brain dump. Peace and love to you all.

Have some compassion... jerk @$$!!

Despite the somewhat humorous nature of the title for this blog, it is going to be a fairly serious one. Recently, for those of you who live in Colorado, or more specifically Colorado Springs (which I have come to affectionately [sarcasm! sarcasm!] dub "Conservachritsown"), the big news around the place has been that of Ted Haggard the pastor of New Life Church and his not anymore secret life. For those who do not know, about a week ago, word broke that Mr. Haggard, who also was the head of the National Evangelical Association, had been not only engaging in a homosexual affair with a male prostitute, but doing meth as well. While how much of the story is true is still somewhat in the air, it's pretty clear that at least most of it if not all is true. Accusations arose that it was entirely politically driven because this last Tuesday two issues came to the Colorado voters, one that would define marriage as a union between one man and one woman (Amendment 43) and one that would grant Domestic Partnerships to same-sex couples (Referendum I). 43 passed, I did not. Mr. Haggard was a staunch defender of 43, so of course one of the first ideas was, "Those dirty homosexuals are just trying to defame our cause!" While I don't know of anyone that would actually say such a ridiculous and hateful thing, the idea is similar. Obviously, if that were the intention, it failed. So, where am I going with this?

I, being very tired of much of the modern American church (re: Christian right), originally had a somewhat "Yea! F* the system!" attitude when I heard. There was little, to no compassion for a man who pastored a church that I never felt at home at and disagreed with on several theological and political levels. Something began to stir in me, however. I am now at the point, thanks to some very insightful friends and a few other resources, feeling a sense of compassion for the man. For his family. For his church. For all of us really. I have come to the "realization" that Mr. Haggard is a hurt and broken man. For this, he deserves not only my sympathy, but also my prayer. While I can not say I support him, I can say that as someone whom I have to take as his word that he is a brother in Christ, he is in my prayers. I hope that God would use this experience to soften his heart, to transform his mind and to usher him into a newfound awareness and understanding of the Divine. I pray that his family would be brought through this stronger than ever. I pray for healing. What I am trying to get at is this; I think it is time to show the man and the world, what Christ would do. What Christ has done. I can't say I will ever call Mr. Ted Haggard a friend, a positive influence, an intelligent thinker, or a roel model. I can say that my heart goes out to him and his family. I hope they heal.

Now that I am through that, I have another thing to comment on related to both the events of New Life and the election this past week in Colorado. For those of you who have read my blog before, I wrote last time about how there has been created a "leper" class in our society, that being those who are homosexuals. All the legislation, the hate speak and the non-hate, hate speak that has been levied at the homosexual community in our country by the Conservative Christian right has indeed created social outcasts. Those who are simply reviled and shunned and not cared for in the way they should be. Perhaps, the reason why Mr. Haggard went as far as he did (which I will remind I have no way of knowing) is because there has been such an outpouring of contempt for people who are homosexuals that he felt there was no way he could ever tell anyone about his private sin, his inner struggle. To quote a friend; "What's worse? The fact that Haggard may be a bi/homosexual or that the pharisaic politics that Christ never endorsed were so restrictive to Haggard that it drove him to a most likely problematic pathological means of experimentation?" I will leave it at that.

Amendment 43 passed and will be a part of the Colorado Constitution. This Amendment, while being totally unnecessary (it is already in the constitution that marriage is between one man and one woman) also fuels this shunning. The Amendment was created, most likely, to counteract Referendum I and it appears that is has accomplished it's goal. The utter bullshit that is fed to us about needing to "save marriage!" by keeping the homosexuals from marrying is completely wrong. We live in a society that has a 50% divorce rate and those who would call themselves Christians are right up there. My last recollection of an actual percentage taken of those of the more evangelical mindset was something like 48% percent. If marriage needs saving, it needs to be saved from us! We have done a horrible job in keeping whatever sanctity there may be in marriage by splitting up families, turning divorcees into alcoholics, making adultery seem almost passé, and causing children to hate one parent over another. Wake up! No law set in the books is going to save marriage, only a change of the mind and heart. No law is going to cause someone who is gay to wake up and say, "Oh wow! The state says I can't get married because I'm gay. I guess I'm straight now." What this entire legislature about trying to ban gay marriage, domestic partnerships, civil unions, whatever, says is that the Christians have no compassion for us and wish we were dead. For the Christian church to send that sort of message is one of the most horrible things to have happened to the American church. It is time to wake up and realize that the human heart does not operate in "laws." It is time to send a message of the love, forgiveness and grace that can be found in Jesus. To gays. To lesbians. To transgenders. To Ted Haggard. To everyone. It is time to do it, not by laws and regulations written and enforced by a human government, but to do it in the way Christ would. Here is where I give you the answer, right? Wrong.

I do not know the answer to how we should do this. I will admit, the means by which we, as a body of believers, should go about trying to "fix the problem" of homosexuality in our country escapes me. All I know is that the laws won't work. All I know is that there is a group of people out there that are in desperate need of compassion. There are people out there going through the same thing as Ted Haggard who can't come out because they are afraid of the backlash that will befall them. All I know is that a new "strategy" is needed. A new way to look at the issue. A new way to show compassion. And I will leave you with that.

When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

This will probably be a random assortment of thoughts all jumbled into one since my life has become very stationary in the past week as I wait for the 21st to roll in (my move in day up in Greeley). Of course, this won't stop me from doing things, but my days blur together in a haze of myspace, satirical stories, loud music and going deaf from my dad playing his videogames at hell spawn scaring volumes. Anyway, enough blather and onto last night!

Last night was a friend of mine's (she shall be named Stacee) 21st birthday and as all good 21 year olds she wanted to get completely plastered. And she did. Started at Old Chicago, nothing big, and then we decided to head on down the streets to some of the bars/clubs in the wonderful five blocks of downtown Colorado Springs. We tried to get into Rum Bay but Rick and Chris (two dudes, that's all you need to know) were told they could not enter this "fine establishment" on account of their dress. Apparently, lots of piercings, all black clothing, and a wallet chain are not "appropriate attire" for a two story bar. So, we said "Screw you!" to that place and went to this club called Eden and unless you consider bad rave music, fog, and table dancers to be paradise, it certainly wasn't. Funny thing that happened there, Stacee was completely piss drunk and practically falling over. As such, being the sociable, bubbly person that she is, she would walk over to you and hug/grab/molest you. Well, her brother took the constant grabbing of her by her friends in our attempt to hold her up as us trying to "cop a feel." Which put a damper on the then five minutes left of our night out.

So, what is all this random assortment of words about? Well, dear reader it is not too hard to figure out. See, all these things happened because of one thing; assumption! Yes, our good friend assumption shows and he's brought his companion judgment along with him. I was talking with my mom this morning and mentioned the Rum Bay incident and she was surprised. Now, for reference, she knows Rick and well, I guess I could post a picture of him but I don't feel like it. So she and I got into a discussion about the prejudgments that people and society hold in general. In Rick's case, his black clothing, piercings, and jewelry would lend you to think that he's probably a Goth (only half true) and most likely some sort of drug using, uneducated, heathen. So, a Goth then. Well, Rick is none of those things, but the fact is that unless you conform to the mold of society in general, there is still a prejudgment. I don't think it's near as prevalent as it used to be (especially among my generation) but the fact remains that people don't look at people as simply people. Rather people look at people as either, "preppy," "goth," "punk," "drunkard," "black," "white," "Mexican," etc. You get my drift. My mom lives in this incredible world that I only hope I could ever live in and that's the world where "people are simply people." As far as I can remember, she has never said one single judgmental word about anyone unless she's knows them and then even if it's negative she always tries to think "how should I as a Christian react?" I think that this is the attitude that we as Christians should take. People are people and they are all created by God and this gives us an immediate value (remember Bible 101?). It's a great thing really, but how often do we live in that kind of world? Does that kind of mindset permeate our thinking and what we say? I'd argue not.

I've noticed that Christians tend to say things (myself included) that are not really in this mindset. For instance, think of the flippant use of the word "gay." We use it to mean something is "stupid" but it still has that connection in this use with the view of homosexuals. How often do we as Christians view homosexuals as, well people? Or do we treat them as lepers? Now, I'm not going to say anything about the act of homosexuality (that's a whole other blog) but rather simply ask whether or not we treat homosexuals as people created by God? None of us are free of sin and no sin is greater than any other, but homosexuality is currently viewed (along with abortion) as the greatest of all sins and anyone who engages in either of these activities should be shunned! They have become the lepers and tax collectors of our time. We as Christians have not reached out the loving and redeeming hand of Christ to these people. No political agendas, no Sodom and Gomorrah talk. We assume these people are the downfall of all civilization, but the fact is that we live in a fallen world in need of redemption. Homosexuals are not the downfall of America, that will happen regardless of what we do. As Chuck Smith once quipped to Dr. Dobson, "it's all going to burn Jim!" Anyway, I think I've made my point (in an offhand sort of manner).

I'll wrap this up with on last thing; think about who we as a society and as Christians hold in the tax collector and leper position. Once you've figured it out, think of it not as how society or the Conservative Christian consensus would treat these people. Think of how Christ would treat them and then apply that to your whole life. I know that I will and maybe one day I can live in that world where "people are simply people."

Something, everything, nothing

"I've read confusing fiction
And lived a contradiction
And I've wondered where on earth I've been
I've known a love forever
A Truth I couldn't sever..."

These are some lines from one of my favorite King's X songs "Life Going By" I won't repsot the entire song as there isn't much need to but I've had a few interesting experiences and one very life changing event this past weekend. First the experiences.

Friday night I went to a very different concert. It was at a Messianic Jewish synagog and it was a group known as "The Liberated Wailing Wall" which is in connection with Jews for Jesus an organization that seeks to bring the message of "Yeshua" (Jesus for all us Gentiles) to the Jewish people. It was quite a different experience listenning to worship songs done in a modern meets tradtional Jewish folk music style (and if that confuses you, well skip ahead). All in all though it was quite a fun and different experience. However, this is nothing compared to with what happened the next morning.

Saturday I went back to the synagog for, well, synagog. It was quite different being a mix of the traditional and the modern but really it was quite cool. I was a bit caught off gaurd with the whole thing but you know it never really felt awkward. Part of that though had to have been how welcome I was made to feel by the people there (which apparently 75% of is my friend Liz's family; thanks again for inviting me Liz.). I will say, it was very, very cool how people actually got up and danced during the worship time (and not in a scary, charasmatic, falling on floors way). I have some more thoughts on it, but I'm still shifting through them. However Sunday was the "life-changing event" I spoke of. Here it is,

I've left Marriage of Convenience.

This is not a decision that I've come to lightly, believe me. I've been wrestling with this all summer (even a little longer actually). I've also probably made the lady who does my financial aid at UNC crazy with my, "I'm staying/I'm leaving" bi-weekly phone calls. In the end, I've decided to stay at UNC because there is a lot up there I am leaving. One, I'm leaving a very good school, one I've done well at. Two, I'm leaving a lot of people that I will sorely miss and three I have my school paid for free of debt right now and that is hard to come by. I have a good church up there, good friends, and yet I've realized that my returning up there is not coming at a small price. It's quite a big one actually. I'm leaving a band I love playing in (though thankfully the guys are very understanding and are not mad at me) and I've made some friends (well ok one) that I will be sad not to be able to hang out with due to the distance. I also feel that God has something for me in Greeley, some reason to be there. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I gotta have faith that it will be revealed to me.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Have a good day everyone. Oh, and a new blog of my "twisted" thoughts will appear soon.

Freedom of speech is negotiable

I had an entire other blog that I was going to post, but that shall wait. I would like to briefly give you an idea on freedom of speech as it exists here in the good old United States of America.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

That is the first Amendment to the Constitution. In it, our right to freely exchange ideas is guaranteed. We can say what we want, when we want, where we want without any censorship! Right? Well... not necessarily. While the law does grant this, our government and society has created a feeling that as of now would make it seem otherwise.

I recently had some dealings with a certain organization (who for the purposes that this blog exists will remain nameless) that brought into question my ability to speak my mind. I will not get into all the details, but since my opinion differed from that of this organization I was fired. Sure, the official reason may be different, but if you read between the lines there lies the real reason. Now, I was not told that by law I am not allowed to speak my mind, but I was still fired for it and was asked to remove any and all mention of the organizations name from my former public blog. I complied initially and removed the original "offensive" blog. However, I did not completely comply as I went on to name the organization in a subsequent blog. Anyway, this is my own little story, but there are others.

Think about the movie "Farenheight 911" for a minute. Now, I think this is one of the most blatantly biased and therefore pointless documentary movies I've ever seen. My own feelings aside, one of the biggest reasons that Moore gives in the film about how the current administration has lied to the American people and infringed on our rights and such is the Patriot Act. He gives the argument and from what I remember, one example, that if you speak out against the administration or the Patriot Act then there will be black suits upon you like white on rice! I have one problem with this... why was Moore not a victim of this censorship? If the Government is really trying to infringe on people's rights to speak their mind in the way that you are lead to believe by Moore and others of his ilk, then why are there not more stories like the one featured in his film? There is obviously enough conspiracy talk and anti-government literature and propaganda out there for the government to warrant such measures if that condition exists in the P.A. So, am I saying it doesn't? Well, no. I have no idea if this is a part of the Patriot Act. I do however believe that a more dangerous form of censorship has been put in place by patriotic rhetoric and popular opinion; dissent.

Yes, boys and girls, dissent. That one little word that has sparked revolution, martyrdom, and numerous movies and television shows throughout history is the real freedom of speech killer. If you waver from popular opinion even in the smallest, the staunchest defender of the party line and the American creed will be on your back like a rabid cat. If you have extreme views, they will try and show you how you are wrong. Saying something against the government? Well, then you are un-patriotic, un-American, and you hate freedom. Calling into question the supposed Christian character of a leader of your nation? You must be a communist (or worse; a liberal!). Even talking about how reality television is all scripted and fake. Nope, they do all that stuff on their own! That survival guy, he's out there by himself (ignoring the 10 different camera shots, 8 of which occur from the air). I'm not lying about that last one. I really did argue with some girls about reality television and they still defended it.

I hope I've made my point here, as this blog is now long past due. I will say this in closing. There is still that room where people will debate with you and listen to your ideas. I've learned that recently. However, even if they listen, even if they don't shoot you down right away, there is still that "feeling." There is still that overreaching, America is un-fallible, "how dare you talk that way?” mentality prevalent in our culture. Dissent is discouraged, open questions are not allowed and “if you don’t like it here, then you can just giiit out!” No thanks, I think I’ll stay here. Someone has to fight the powers that be, right?

Hello

Hello, and welcome to my new blog; Proto Merkaba! If you don't know what the title of this blog is in reference to, then you either don't play videogames or you know nothing about Kabbalah, Gnosticism, or new age thought. I could explain it to you all, but I'd rather have the joy of letting you all explore it for yourself.


I want to explain my reasons for starting this blog. I have a profile on myspace.com and in it I post blogs that range from the absolute ridiculous and pointless to the ultra-serious. Myspace, in general, is one big headache as it sucks your life from you, all the while frustrating you with its constant server problems. So, after reading some blogs from other people on Blogspot I thought this might be a good place to come. I want to use this blog to express ideas that I normally wouldn't on myspace, as well as start working on my writing. Essentially, this blog is still under construction. I have a vague idea of what I want to do and as I post more I feel that I will figure it out. I'm also hoping that I can get some more people here to read it that normally wouldn't grace the buggy halls of mycrack.

That's it in a nutshell. I'll have something more serious here soon (and the actual look will be changed), but until then, welcome to Proto Merkaba!