Honesty...

So here it is, almost time to set the clocks forward an hour. Yep, DST is coming early this year. So that means that it's... 2:45 in the morning? Something like that. I am up late because I honestly can not make sense of things right now. I came down on Friday from Greeley to Colorado Springs for a few gigs (one of which I have played) and while the show was really good (one of the best yet) it is the past day of Sat. that is sticking in my mind. In my failed attempt to finish the novel Graceland by Chris Abani, I wound up reading some of the most disturbing and shocking chapters yet. It's a book that will take by surprise with it's bluntness in tackling "taboo" topics. It seemed to be a portent however for the emotional and raw conversations that I would have the rest of the evening. Neither conversation will be repeated for sake of respect to the individuals involved, but even the gore bath that is the movie 300 seemed to fit with the emotional nature of today. The movie being a capstone to the metaphorical flesh tearing that ensued only hours before.

It makes me think about honesty. So often is this the thing we desire, yet fear the most in our relationships. The type of vulnerability that comes with being honest is hard to come by; you never know if the individual whom you are bearing your soul too will wipe the blood from the gaping scars or leave you prostrate on the floor. Forgive the grime imagery; visual violence of the gratuitous type that has been seen by my eyes tonight sticks with me. While scary, this honesty is worth it. Cauterization can not be achieved with out first pinpointing the gash and thus the healing begins. It's painful, scary, and downright uncomfortable yet incredibly beautiful when found in this place of forgiveness, vulnerability, servitude, and most importantly love. "Love is patient, love is kind..." sticks out like a neon sign. Love. Love for the one afflicted. Love for the one giving healing. Love for oneself. Forgiveness for oneself. Forgiveness for the wounded. Love and forgiveness, two things that I would be nothing without. My only prayer is that I can live up to even a simple iota of the ultimate example of this, even though I never will. Rambling thoughts. Thank you and goodnight.