Compassion

So, about a month ago I posted a blog on my myspace profile asking people what their beliefs on god are. I promised I was going to do something with it, but I decided to not. The responses were so varied that I feel it accomplished everything it was supposed to. If you'd like to read it, you can go check it out; it's titled "An Open Invitation." To avoid stalking and what not, I'm not going to link to it, but the link to my profile is to the right.

Instead of posting what my own thoughts are on "god" directly, I'm going to go about in a bassackwards way by talking a little about what's been on my mind as of late. I'm going to start off with a passage from the book Matthew and for sake of typing it all out/not copying and pasting right, I'll give ya the link; Matthew 5:38-48.

This comes from the Sermon on the Mount, or what is also a portion of the Beatitudes. Before I go further, what is beatitude exactly? This is the first definition from the Oxford English Dictionary (much better than Dictionary.com); "Supreme blessedness or happiness." Kind of interesting that the things Jesus talked about on the Sermon on the Mount are called this, isn't it? Read again the passage I posted; notice that in it Jesus is giving people more or less a framework for how we are supposed to live our lives. The entire Sermon on the Mount is in effect on big lesson in how to act in the world not only differently, but correctly (this of course is dependent on whether or not you accept Jesus as God and the Christian scriptures as holy and all that jazz; for those of you reading who don't, are they so bad at being moral guidelines?). Now, what do you see in that passage I posted? You see Jesus calling us to live a life of compassion. It's all over the Sermon on the Mount and all over the gospels. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (44)," "but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also (39b)." These two chunks of scripture have at their core the idea that we are to love one another. Let's look at what Jesus says is the greatest commandment; Matthew 20:36-40. Love God with everything you are and "the second is like it;" love others as yourself. God knows that we as humans think we are pretty hot shit. As much as we like to put on a facade and say that we aren't, we definitely think that we are pretty cool. Most of us like ourselves and would not intentionally put ourselves in harm. So the command that we are to love others as ourselves is a huge one. Think about it, if we truly loved our "neighbor" as ourselves, then we'd think pretty highly of them. We would want to treat them the same as we treat ourselves. It is also in doing this that we affirm not only our love for God, but our faith in God. If we love God with our whole selves and we love others as we love ourselves, we are in fact loving God in loving others. We are also serving God when we love others. Let's go back to the beatitudes; in it we find Jesus giving us the way in which we have supreme blessedness and happiness and where is it found? In compassion and love to God and to others.

Hope you all have a safe and happy Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever. So, uh... Happy Holidays!

Welcome to the groove machine!

Hello everyone!
Long time no post. While there has not been a lack of material that I can comment and write on (as I have four unfinished blogs on this site), my life has been markedly busy and intense. So this blog here I am deeming the "update/life blog." I have another, less pointless blog that I am going to post later, but for now this will do.

Over the course of this, my fifth semester at the University of Northern Colorado, I have had a wealth of experiences and life "changing" moments. For starters, the band (Marriage of Convenience) has been doing really well. We've played over 10 shows, had one cancelled, competed in two battle of the bands competitions (one we advanced in, one we didn't) and we are currently getting ready to write some new material (if I can get my ass down to the Springs!). Things are going well for the band and I hope they continue to. I hope it still remains fun. Naw, it should always be fun.

Back to my school life, I've seen my grades and they are... well somewhat satisfactory. I guess the point is that I passed, right? I didn't do horribly (far from it) but I keep thinking I can and should do better. Damn me and my need for not failing! Well, January 16th begins another semester so I will do better this time around. Outside of school, life has been good. I've got great friends, a great church, dating this great girl and been living pretty stressfully, yet comfortably. Interesting phrase there, "stressfully, yet comfortably," isn't it? Lately, we've been talking about peace at Atlas, the idea of "Shalom;" a time of rest and peace and meditation. I can honestly say that if I had any inkling what "peace" really means in my life, I'm experiencing it. Or perhaps, I'm experiencing a small portion of peace, just enough to understand what it's like. Stress and peace usually don't go together though, do they? Well, not in any sort of logical way but being peaceful is not the same as "having it easy," something I am reminded of constantly. I'm not sure, but right now, as stressful and hectic as my life has been I've felt this strange sort of contentment. This feeling of being exactly where I need to be at the present time. It's been awhile since I felt like that and now that I think back on it, I'm not sure if I ever was. It's strange, this contentment, this peace, is not even dependent on my circumstance. There have been plenty of times these past few months where I could have been depressed, stressed to the point of banging my head on a wall and in general just ready to say "fuck it!" I think back to where I was a year ago and how I hated being in Greeley; how much I wanted to leave and quit school and play in a band and forget all this nonsense. How un-happy I was. I was in a dark place for sure. However, looking back on it I see that I was at the tail end of it and while it still seems strange to me that I am in Greeley and actually enjoying being here, it blows my mind. One of the biggest lessons I learned over the summer, when I was stuck at home with no job, no car, no money is this; I am a temporal creature. I am a being that lives in the here and now and no matter how much I try and look to the future, I can't tell you anything about where my life will end up. So I need to exist in the here and now. I need to realise that I am put here on Earth, in this time and this place, for a reason. I may not know that reason, but God does. I do not know the future, I know the here and now and it's all about what I do with the here and now. Matthew 6:34; "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (NASB)." Hmmm... The beatitudes... I think in my attempt to read through the Old Testament, I'm going to re-read and study them. Every time I look up a verse or two in them, I see something new.

Wow, talk about a brain dump. Peace and love to you all.

Have some compassion... jerk @$$!!

Despite the somewhat humorous nature of the title for this blog, it is going to be a fairly serious one. Recently, for those of you who live in Colorado, or more specifically Colorado Springs (which I have come to affectionately [sarcasm! sarcasm!] dub "Conservachritsown"), the big news around the place has been that of Ted Haggard the pastor of New Life Church and his not anymore secret life. For those who do not know, about a week ago, word broke that Mr. Haggard, who also was the head of the National Evangelical Association, had been not only engaging in a homosexual affair with a male prostitute, but doing meth as well. While how much of the story is true is still somewhat in the air, it's pretty clear that at least most of it if not all is true. Accusations arose that it was entirely politically driven because this last Tuesday two issues came to the Colorado voters, one that would define marriage as a union between one man and one woman (Amendment 43) and one that would grant Domestic Partnerships to same-sex couples (Referendum I). 43 passed, I did not. Mr. Haggard was a staunch defender of 43, so of course one of the first ideas was, "Those dirty homosexuals are just trying to defame our cause!" While I don't know of anyone that would actually say such a ridiculous and hateful thing, the idea is similar. Obviously, if that were the intention, it failed. So, where am I going with this?

I, being very tired of much of the modern American church (re: Christian right), originally had a somewhat "Yea! F* the system!" attitude when I heard. There was little, to no compassion for a man who pastored a church that I never felt at home at and disagreed with on several theological and political levels. Something began to stir in me, however. I am now at the point, thanks to some very insightful friends and a few other resources, feeling a sense of compassion for the man. For his family. For his church. For all of us really. I have come to the "realization" that Mr. Haggard is a hurt and broken man. For this, he deserves not only my sympathy, but also my prayer. While I can not say I support him, I can say that as someone whom I have to take as his word that he is a brother in Christ, he is in my prayers. I hope that God would use this experience to soften his heart, to transform his mind and to usher him into a newfound awareness and understanding of the Divine. I pray that his family would be brought through this stronger than ever. I pray for healing. What I am trying to get at is this; I think it is time to show the man and the world, what Christ would do. What Christ has done. I can't say I will ever call Mr. Ted Haggard a friend, a positive influence, an intelligent thinker, or a roel model. I can say that my heart goes out to him and his family. I hope they heal.

Now that I am through that, I have another thing to comment on related to both the events of New Life and the election this past week in Colorado. For those of you who have read my blog before, I wrote last time about how there has been created a "leper" class in our society, that being those who are homosexuals. All the legislation, the hate speak and the non-hate, hate speak that has been levied at the homosexual community in our country by the Conservative Christian right has indeed created social outcasts. Those who are simply reviled and shunned and not cared for in the way they should be. Perhaps, the reason why Mr. Haggard went as far as he did (which I will remind I have no way of knowing) is because there has been such an outpouring of contempt for people who are homosexuals that he felt there was no way he could ever tell anyone about his private sin, his inner struggle. To quote a friend; "What's worse? The fact that Haggard may be a bi/homosexual or that the pharisaic politics that Christ never endorsed were so restrictive to Haggard that it drove him to a most likely problematic pathological means of experimentation?" I will leave it at that.

Amendment 43 passed and will be a part of the Colorado Constitution. This Amendment, while being totally unnecessary (it is already in the constitution that marriage is between one man and one woman) also fuels this shunning. The Amendment was created, most likely, to counteract Referendum I and it appears that is has accomplished it's goal. The utter bullshit that is fed to us about needing to "save marriage!" by keeping the homosexuals from marrying is completely wrong. We live in a society that has a 50% divorce rate and those who would call themselves Christians are right up there. My last recollection of an actual percentage taken of those of the more evangelical mindset was something like 48% percent. If marriage needs saving, it needs to be saved from us! We have done a horrible job in keeping whatever sanctity there may be in marriage by splitting up families, turning divorcees into alcoholics, making adultery seem almost passé, and causing children to hate one parent over another. Wake up! No law set in the books is going to save marriage, only a change of the mind and heart. No law is going to cause someone who is gay to wake up and say, "Oh wow! The state says I can't get married because I'm gay. I guess I'm straight now." What this entire legislature about trying to ban gay marriage, domestic partnerships, civil unions, whatever, says is that the Christians have no compassion for us and wish we were dead. For the Christian church to send that sort of message is one of the most horrible things to have happened to the American church. It is time to wake up and realize that the human heart does not operate in "laws." It is time to send a message of the love, forgiveness and grace that can be found in Jesus. To gays. To lesbians. To transgenders. To Ted Haggard. To everyone. It is time to do it, not by laws and regulations written and enforced by a human government, but to do it in the way Christ would. Here is where I give you the answer, right? Wrong.

I do not know the answer to how we should do this. I will admit, the means by which we, as a body of believers, should go about trying to "fix the problem" of homosexuality in our country escapes me. All I know is that the laws won't work. All I know is that there is a group of people out there that are in desperate need of compassion. There are people out there going through the same thing as Ted Haggard who can't come out because they are afraid of the backlash that will befall them. All I know is that a new "strategy" is needed. A new way to look at the issue. A new way to show compassion. And I will leave you with that.

When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

This will probably be a random assortment of thoughts all jumbled into one since my life has become very stationary in the past week as I wait for the 21st to roll in (my move in day up in Greeley). Of course, this won't stop me from doing things, but my days blur together in a haze of myspace, satirical stories, loud music and going deaf from my dad playing his videogames at hell spawn scaring volumes. Anyway, enough blather and onto last night!

Last night was a friend of mine's (she shall be named Stacee) 21st birthday and as all good 21 year olds she wanted to get completely plastered. And she did. Started at Old Chicago, nothing big, and then we decided to head on down the streets to some of the bars/clubs in the wonderful five blocks of downtown Colorado Springs. We tried to get into Rum Bay but Rick and Chris (two dudes, that's all you need to know) were told they could not enter this "fine establishment" on account of their dress. Apparently, lots of piercings, all black clothing, and a wallet chain are not "appropriate attire" for a two story bar. So, we said "Screw you!" to that place and went to this club called Eden and unless you consider bad rave music, fog, and table dancers to be paradise, it certainly wasn't. Funny thing that happened there, Stacee was completely piss drunk and practically falling over. As such, being the sociable, bubbly person that she is, she would walk over to you and hug/grab/molest you. Well, her brother took the constant grabbing of her by her friends in our attempt to hold her up as us trying to "cop a feel." Which put a damper on the then five minutes left of our night out.

So, what is all this random assortment of words about? Well, dear reader it is not too hard to figure out. See, all these things happened because of one thing; assumption! Yes, our good friend assumption shows and he's brought his companion judgment along with him. I was talking with my mom this morning and mentioned the Rum Bay incident and she was surprised. Now, for reference, she knows Rick and well, I guess I could post a picture of him but I don't feel like it. So she and I got into a discussion about the prejudgments that people and society hold in general. In Rick's case, his black clothing, piercings, and jewelry would lend you to think that he's probably a Goth (only half true) and most likely some sort of drug using, uneducated, heathen. So, a Goth then. Well, Rick is none of those things, but the fact is that unless you conform to the mold of society in general, there is still a prejudgment. I don't think it's near as prevalent as it used to be (especially among my generation) but the fact remains that people don't look at people as simply people. Rather people look at people as either, "preppy," "goth," "punk," "drunkard," "black," "white," "Mexican," etc. You get my drift. My mom lives in this incredible world that I only hope I could ever live in and that's the world where "people are simply people." As far as I can remember, she has never said one single judgmental word about anyone unless she's knows them and then even if it's negative she always tries to think "how should I as a Christian react?" I think that this is the attitude that we as Christians should take. People are people and they are all created by God and this gives us an immediate value (remember Bible 101?). It's a great thing really, but how often do we live in that kind of world? Does that kind of mindset permeate our thinking and what we say? I'd argue not.

I've noticed that Christians tend to say things (myself included) that are not really in this mindset. For instance, think of the flippant use of the word "gay." We use it to mean something is "stupid" but it still has that connection in this use with the view of homosexuals. How often do we as Christians view homosexuals as, well people? Or do we treat them as lepers? Now, I'm not going to say anything about the act of homosexuality (that's a whole other blog) but rather simply ask whether or not we treat homosexuals as people created by God? None of us are free of sin and no sin is greater than any other, but homosexuality is currently viewed (along with abortion) as the greatest of all sins and anyone who engages in either of these activities should be shunned! They have become the lepers and tax collectors of our time. We as Christians have not reached out the loving and redeeming hand of Christ to these people. No political agendas, no Sodom and Gomorrah talk. We assume these people are the downfall of all civilization, but the fact is that we live in a fallen world in need of redemption. Homosexuals are not the downfall of America, that will happen regardless of what we do. As Chuck Smith once quipped to Dr. Dobson, "it's all going to burn Jim!" Anyway, I think I've made my point (in an offhand sort of manner).

I'll wrap this up with on last thing; think about who we as a society and as Christians hold in the tax collector and leper position. Once you've figured it out, think of it not as how society or the Conservative Christian consensus would treat these people. Think of how Christ would treat them and then apply that to your whole life. I know that I will and maybe one day I can live in that world where "people are simply people."

Something, everything, nothing

"I've read confusing fiction
And lived a contradiction
And I've wondered where on earth I've been
I've known a love forever
A Truth I couldn't sever..."

These are some lines from one of my favorite King's X songs "Life Going By" I won't repsot the entire song as there isn't much need to but I've had a few interesting experiences and one very life changing event this past weekend. First the experiences.

Friday night I went to a very different concert. It was at a Messianic Jewish synagog and it was a group known as "The Liberated Wailing Wall" which is in connection with Jews for Jesus an organization that seeks to bring the message of "Yeshua" (Jesus for all us Gentiles) to the Jewish people. It was quite a different experience listenning to worship songs done in a modern meets tradtional Jewish folk music style (and if that confuses you, well skip ahead). All in all though it was quite a fun and different experience. However, this is nothing compared to with what happened the next morning.

Saturday I went back to the synagog for, well, synagog. It was quite different being a mix of the traditional and the modern but really it was quite cool. I was a bit caught off gaurd with the whole thing but you know it never really felt awkward. Part of that though had to have been how welcome I was made to feel by the people there (which apparently 75% of is my friend Liz's family; thanks again for inviting me Liz.). I will say, it was very, very cool how people actually got up and danced during the worship time (and not in a scary, charasmatic, falling on floors way). I have some more thoughts on it, but I'm still shifting through them. However Sunday was the "life-changing event" I spoke of. Here it is,

I've left Marriage of Convenience.

This is not a decision that I've come to lightly, believe me. I've been wrestling with this all summer (even a little longer actually). I've also probably made the lady who does my financial aid at UNC crazy with my, "I'm staying/I'm leaving" bi-weekly phone calls. In the end, I've decided to stay at UNC because there is a lot up there I am leaving. One, I'm leaving a very good school, one I've done well at. Two, I'm leaving a lot of people that I will sorely miss and three I have my school paid for free of debt right now and that is hard to come by. I have a good church up there, good friends, and yet I've realized that my returning up there is not coming at a small price. It's quite a big one actually. I'm leaving a band I love playing in (though thankfully the guys are very understanding and are not mad at me) and I've made some friends (well ok one) that I will be sad not to be able to hang out with due to the distance. I also feel that God has something for me in Greeley, some reason to be there. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I gotta have faith that it will be revealed to me.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Have a good day everyone. Oh, and a new blog of my "twisted" thoughts will appear soon.

Freedom of speech is negotiable

I had an entire other blog that I was going to post, but that shall wait. I would like to briefly give you an idea on freedom of speech as it exists here in the good old United States of America.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

That is the first Amendment to the Constitution. In it, our right to freely exchange ideas is guaranteed. We can say what we want, when we want, where we want without any censorship! Right? Well... not necessarily. While the law does grant this, our government and society has created a feeling that as of now would make it seem otherwise.

I recently had some dealings with a certain organization (who for the purposes that this blog exists will remain nameless) that brought into question my ability to speak my mind. I will not get into all the details, but since my opinion differed from that of this organization I was fired. Sure, the official reason may be different, but if you read between the lines there lies the real reason. Now, I was not told that by law I am not allowed to speak my mind, but I was still fired for it and was asked to remove any and all mention of the organizations name from my former public blog. I complied initially and removed the original "offensive" blog. However, I did not completely comply as I went on to name the organization in a subsequent blog. Anyway, this is my own little story, but there are others.

Think about the movie "Farenheight 911" for a minute. Now, I think this is one of the most blatantly biased and therefore pointless documentary movies I've ever seen. My own feelings aside, one of the biggest reasons that Moore gives in the film about how the current administration has lied to the American people and infringed on our rights and such is the Patriot Act. He gives the argument and from what I remember, one example, that if you speak out against the administration or the Patriot Act then there will be black suits upon you like white on rice! I have one problem with this... why was Moore not a victim of this censorship? If the Government is really trying to infringe on people's rights to speak their mind in the way that you are lead to believe by Moore and others of his ilk, then why are there not more stories like the one featured in his film? There is obviously enough conspiracy talk and anti-government literature and propaganda out there for the government to warrant such measures if that condition exists in the P.A. So, am I saying it doesn't? Well, no. I have no idea if this is a part of the Patriot Act. I do however believe that a more dangerous form of censorship has been put in place by patriotic rhetoric and popular opinion; dissent.

Yes, boys and girls, dissent. That one little word that has sparked revolution, martyrdom, and numerous movies and television shows throughout history is the real freedom of speech killer. If you waver from popular opinion even in the smallest, the staunchest defender of the party line and the American creed will be on your back like a rabid cat. If you have extreme views, they will try and show you how you are wrong. Saying something against the government? Well, then you are un-patriotic, un-American, and you hate freedom. Calling into question the supposed Christian character of a leader of your nation? You must be a communist (or worse; a liberal!). Even talking about how reality television is all scripted and fake. Nope, they do all that stuff on their own! That survival guy, he's out there by himself (ignoring the 10 different camera shots, 8 of which occur from the air). I'm not lying about that last one. I really did argue with some girls about reality television and they still defended it.

I hope I've made my point here, as this blog is now long past due. I will say this in closing. There is still that room where people will debate with you and listen to your ideas. I've learned that recently. However, even if they listen, even if they don't shoot you down right away, there is still that "feeling." There is still that overreaching, America is un-fallible, "how dare you talk that way?” mentality prevalent in our culture. Dissent is discouraged, open questions are not allowed and “if you don’t like it here, then you can just giiit out!” No thanks, I think I’ll stay here. Someone has to fight the powers that be, right?

Hello

Hello, and welcome to my new blog; Proto Merkaba! If you don't know what the title of this blog is in reference to, then you either don't play videogames or you know nothing about Kabbalah, Gnosticism, or new age thought. I could explain it to you all, but I'd rather have the joy of letting you all explore it for yourself.


I want to explain my reasons for starting this blog. I have a profile on myspace.com and in it I post blogs that range from the absolute ridiculous and pointless to the ultra-serious. Myspace, in general, is one big headache as it sucks your life from you, all the while frustrating you with its constant server problems. So, after reading some blogs from other people on Blogspot I thought this might be a good place to come. I want to use this blog to express ideas that I normally wouldn't on myspace, as well as start working on my writing. Essentially, this blog is still under construction. I have a vague idea of what I want to do and as I post more I feel that I will figure it out. I'm also hoping that I can get some more people here to read it that normally wouldn't grace the buggy halls of mycrack.

That's it in a nutshell. I'll have something more serious here soon (and the actual look will be changed), but until then, welcome to Proto Merkaba!