We regret to inform you...

Since graduating from my undergraduate university in 2008, I have had a really, really difficult time finding a job that doesn't rhyme with "me fail." For the most part, this hasn't been too bad. It's allowed me the freedom to explore other options in my life, like playing music and for now, going to grad school. All that said, the few times I have attempted to find something beyond the doldrums of capitalist insanity, it has been met with a very chilling and retching phrase; "we regret to inform you." This characteristic phrase of any big job rejection letter carries with it the feeling of, "we're sorry you will be disappointed in our decision, but well, that's the one we made." That phrase cuts like a knife. I can now chock another job up on that heap.

No, it wasn't anything really amazing, but it did relate directly to what I have been planning as my future career path. Which is why this one stings so much. Honestly, if I don't start racking up some experience in this area, I can pretty much relegate myself to the hell of big box corporate centers and as a self styled anarcho/communist. Which pretty much makes me die inside. I'm really starting to wonder if I'm even on the right path, which itself is a total contradiction to how I actually feel about the future (news flash; it's open ended and not predestined). I suppose I should be thankful for what I've got but... well... I just can't seem to get there.

Maybe this is simply God putting me through the metaphorical fire. You know, burning away any sense of pride so that I can be positioned in the right place to do something really great. Or maybe it's just the fucked up system we live in whereby the most selfish and best competitors win out, regardless of the cost on anyone else. Lovely.

All my pathetic ranting aside, I really am wondering what to do next. Aside from completing my degree, because I have put too much time and effort into it to not, I really don't know. I'm losing my drive to be a career academic (at least in English). The whole system is too competitive right now and with the dwindling economy, it's only bound to get worse. Some may see this as the cream of crop rising to the top, but sometimes the top is only there because they stepped on everyone else in the process.

I'm just bitter and grumpy though. Eventually, something has to turn out for good, right?