"If we don't stop extending our troops all around the world in nation-building missions, then we're going to have a serious problem." — George W. Bush, Jan. 2001
Some of my favorite things we engage in as a culture are anniversaries. From birthdays to weddings there's always some reason to celebrate and in the spirit of that cultural norm, I'd like to propose we have a celebration, no wait, a PARTY to commemorate the Anniversary of the invasion and subsequent victory of "Operation Freedom" roughly five years ago. Can you believe it? It's been five years since major fighting was declared over. Georgie boy was right, wasn't he? Man, those history books will check this one in the "win" column. I mean, even W can acknowledge this; "There is no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say: Victory was achieved by the United States of America for the good of the world." --George W. Bush, addressing U.S. troops at Camp Arifjan in Kuwait, Jan. 12, 2008
Can you believe it? Victory for the good of the World! What a time we live in! I'll toast my four dollars of gas a gallon to that! Well, any great achievement such as that deserves some thanks so I'd like to take the majority of this blog to thank Commander in Chief Bush for all that he has accomplished over the past five years.
George W. Bush, here's to you!
Thank you so much for your foresight. I mean, who knew that we would be able to so effectively defeat our enemies. In a month's time we destroyed their whole social structure. We bombed schools, hospitals, mosques, homes, businesses, and an underground base here and there. They were there right? Housing those WMD's? Man, I sure would have liked to have seen those. I mean, Saadam could have used them against us, right? Oh and I'm so glad that there were no people in any of the buildings we bombed either. They must have been vacant because we would never bomb something if we knew there were civilians still in it. We want to avoid as much collateral damage as possible. So, once again thank you George for knowing that massive bombing is the wave of the future in warfare and we can win and end wars with it in enough time to come home for The Bachelor.
Thank you too for protecting Iraq's main source of income, oil. Without that, their country would be completely decimated, but now they can live full, Western lives knowing that we all need their oil. I mean, you're a good old boy who understands supply and demand and of course you want to promote capitalism as the best economic system. So of course the Iraqi people will get to sell us their oil at a fair price, one where they can make a profit and we can continue to drive our Toyota Highlands and Humvees without paying nearly half our paychecks to do it. Man, what a visionary! I do however, find that you seem a tad oblivious to current gas prices; "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008. It's ok though, you have a lot on your plate. One little mistake is perfectly ok, because you certainly haven't made any other ones in these past five years.
On the issue of economics, I want to say a big thank you. War is so beneficial to the economy, World War II proved that, so of course it's true. I'm so glad that the Economic advisor who projected that Operation Freedom would cost 200 billion dollars was booted out in 2002. What a drag to hear that! I'm so happy it hasn't cost that much. I mean, 1.3 trillion is quite a bit more, but it's alright because we have plenty of jobs here in the States to stoke the flames of prosperity! A little outsourcing doesn't hurt either. It's not like we're in a recession or have a nine trillion dollar national debt, is it?
Mostly, I want to thank you for re-invigorating the military. We had a serious glut of people in the Armed forces. We definitely needed more people to defend our borders, especially after 9/11. Big deal if they are distracted and stretched a little thin by a simple Operation. If we need more, we can get a draft going. Volunteer armies are so overrated. I mean, the only way I could see that happening is if North Korea or some country like that decided to get some nukes built, test them and pose a threat to us. But that won't happen. No way, they're way the fuck on the other side of the world. I feel perfectly safe under your guidance Mr. Bush. Hopefully McCain will get to fill your auspicious shoes. I want to make sure myself and my children feel safe for, oh, at least one hundred years.
In the spirit of the event I'd like to let you all see some pictures that will tell you the real story that's going on in Iraq, not this crap that's being forced down our throats by the media.
*Note* I am hyperlinking these images. Many of them a very graphic and I want to give people the choice to view them or not. I do not believe in shoving my rhetoric down others throats. I encourage you to look, but remember I warned you. The guest password for the album is "iraqw."
Pictures
